I read this this morning: Why I don’t want to be Facebook Friends with my daughter and I wanted to scream. Yes, I know it’s the Daily Mail and I should have learnt by now.
This tells me more about the relationship that the journalist and her daughter have than it does about the “perils of Facebook”. And also about her daughter and her friends, on how acceptable they think it is to be “vile” about friends and celebs.
First of all why the need to “spy on” her daughter on a daily basis? Why would you need to do that? What sort of a relationship do you have where you have to do that? Do you not trust her?
Similarly, why is her daughter using her Facebook wall to “snitch” when asked to do a household chore? What does it tell us when her daughter posts “hate my mum, cannot wait to leave home” on her wall?
There is a serious issue with this relationship and I believe that daughter WANTS her mum to see that to discuss it, to get a hug, to resolve whatever is going on. It is almost a cry for help.
How does her mum react? She watches as “friends rally round” but doesn’t actually address the issue. I can assure you that if one of my three ever said something like that I would be straight into see them to give them a hug and find out what was really wrong. The author says “her fingers itch to set the record straight” but that is missing the main point, isn’t it?
I am not saying my three are angels and I am sure they snitch but they don’t feel the need to do it all over Facebook.
Similarly nor do I should one of them ever wind me up. Which of course has never happened. No, no, no. My children have never wound me and they have never pushed all of my buttons either.
I, too, am “friends” with them on Facebook, as I am with a few of my eldest’s friends from school. Not because I feel the need to spy on anybody or want to know what is going on with their social lives, but because they invited me, and I accepted. When my children are away from home we post on each other’s walls, we chat, we tag each other in family photos, I laugh at some of their status updates.
I really think this journalist has got this wrong and she is not “looking out for her daughter” but is indeed spying as her daughter suggests and that really they need to address communicating more effectively.
The whole article left me feeling desperately sad for her daughter.
What do you think?
Interesting post. I am not friends with my Mother on Facebook; our relationship in life outside of the web is absolutely awesome but we don’t feel that being ‘friends’ on Facebook is necessary. She has her social circles and I have mine, but never have we felt the need to mix those up. Some of the people I know are a little ‘too close’ to their Mums (in that they still live at home aged 34 because their Mums pamper them too much and don’t get them up off their arse). I suppose I’m lucky in that my parents egged me on to move out as soon as I could (I stress,they weren’t forcing me to move out) so I could gain that independence that so many young people don’t seem to want to have nowadays. Anyway, I digress! I find being friends with parents on Facebook ‘weird’, almost like they’re listening in on your conversion- not that I have anything to hide! My Mum echoes the same sentiment.
I’ll stick to being ‘real life’ friends with my Mum. 🙂
I agree with you totally MB… it says so much about her relationship with her children. Most people I know are ‘friends’ with their children on FB in a healthy way, as are you. Its quite sad that she feels she should write about this and not recognise its significance. Id offer her therapy but you have to WANT to change and Im not sure she even realises somethings amiss.
My friend’s 16y/o son de-friended her because he didn’t want her knowing his business… little does he know she can still see his posts because he hasn’t changed his settings properly! Hahaha! She just likes to know he’s okay mostly I think.