like really hurts. All the time. And I just felt I should explain as it means I can’t think. Can’t think to put words onto here.
For a few months now I have been suffering with up to 18 headaches a day. Think ice cream brain freeze and you are pretty close. Not cluster headaches according to the consultant who looked at MRI, but something similar. And for which there is no clue re cause, and no cure. Just drugs. I don’t like the drugs, they make me into a zombie and I can’t drive. But I have to drive, especially at 7.30am. For over an hour.
So I don’t take the drugs and so the headaches persist. Which is why I can’t think.
“Can’t think” is an expression we use a lot isn’t it? Lots of expressions in fact are used a lot, sometimes in a flippant way but sometimes in a way that even when used correctly they still don’t feel they have enough clout.
“What do you want for tea?”
“I don’t know, I can’t think”.
Flippant, you can think but just can’t be bothered or don’t want to make a decision.
My can’t think is that I really can’t think.
Yet right now, I can’t think of anything because it almost feels like I can feel my brain thinking. Which is stupid. Of course I can’t feel my brain thinking. But right now I can’t think straight, straight enough to put a sentence together. To put a blog post together.
Which is a shame really as I have about 47 in my head that I want to get out and on here. That is the reason why I started blogging after all. To get things out of my head. But now I don’t have time to get those things out of my head so they stay in my head and run around there all the time. Adding to the feeling of my head hurting.
And the pain makes me tired, like not just “I need a nap tired” but “I don’t actually have the energy to move” tired. This Saturday was the first day in forever that I have not had to set my alarm for before 7am. The idea of being able to wake up when I wanted was too exciting for words.
Then next door decided to jet wash their wheelie bin at 7.30am on Saturday morning and that was the end of that.
The news doesn’t help, does it? It all seems to be full of doom and gloom at the moment. The murder of Jo Cox last week was horrific. The violence and shameful behaviour of hooligans in France just gets worse. The EU referendum is making me wanting to curl up into a ball and retreat. The leave campaign is fronted by the most xenophobic man in the world and the more he campaigns the more hateful it gets.
Closer to home my granny has given us a bit of a scare and friends are going through events that mean they need a bit of a support too. Ellie is looking at unis and that whole process is one I don’t understand, let alone know how people afford. £1200 a month JUST for accommodation. But I have to learn fast so I can help her make the decisions that will affect her whole future.
So I just wanted to explain the blog silence. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say or to blog about. I do.
I just have a headache and felt I had to explain.