Ranty Friday — Boasts

Not people boasting about stuff, that one-up-manship that men do in the pub but on Ranty Friday this week I am talking about something I read a lot:  Estate Agents’ details.   You know the ones I am talking about, don’t you?   You don’t?   Let me give you some examples:

“This property is in a residential location” — well no shit Sherlock.  Where would it be?  In the middle of an industrial estate?

“Charming aspect” — what the hell does that mean?  It has a window basically.

“Double aspect”  — it has two windows

“Well maintained” —  well hold on a minute, why are we highlighting this?  Are we suggesting that other houses are all dumps?

“This property boasts” — no it doesn’t.   It can’t boast.  It simply has that thing, it doesn’t boast it.

“enjoys gas central heating” — its got radiators.

Give me strength.      A HOUSE CAN’T ENJOY SOMETHING, THE HOUSE IS AN INANIMATE OBJECT, INCAPABLE OF EMOTION OR ENJOYING OR BOASTING OR BENEFITING FROM A DAMN THING.


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Ranty Friday, a weekly linky for bloggers to let off steam.   Do have a read of the other blogs that have joined in.

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  • This made me laugh, a lot…. I hate reading estate agents stuff and their flowery language.. Mind you here, they are taken really seriously and they kind of interview you when you are looking around a place, which is really odd!! 😀

  • I read this shit all day long! Sometimes I just can’t face it. Sometimes I change it cos I can’t bear it being *that* spectacularly rubbish.

    Mostly I just point and laugh!

  • HAHA YES! I’ve been idly perusing Right Move for ages now, since we’ve sold the flat and could potentially move fast if the right thing came up, and I see crap like this all the time.

  • I actually accosted an Estate agent recently who was posting blurb letters through our door claiming “one of your neighbours in your road has just sold their house for x amount, contact us if you would like to have your property valued”, naming our road. Considering that 3 of the houses in the road are empty and about to be repossessed by the bank (dodgy bloke who owns them, we KNOW they haven’t been sold yet, it’s in process, but they will go to auction etc) and the other two houses are owned by the council and I know have not been sold, I know they are talking total rot. He got all mumbly and made lots of excuses about marketing and “average prices for around here” etc, but he did get a flea in his ear. Estate agents are the worst, and think partly responsible for the housing mess, with their ridiculous prices and sales tactics!

  • Particularly bad when you think that someone has composed the message and published it in print!

    A parallel but unconnected message used to be displayed on many UK water-based fire extinguishers:

    “In case of fire turn upside down and bang knob on floor”

    Same copy writer I think

  • So funny. ‘Bijou’ also annoys me. Just cos you say it in a foreign language doesn’t make it any bigger. Other alarm bells; Quaint. Has potential – a sh*t hole then?

  • Haha, my favourite is when they describe a house as cosy! Basically, it’s a shoe box and you won’t have room to swing a cat!