Ranty Friday — Candy Crush

Yep.  You got it.  Candy Crush.

You now fall into one of two camps.   A) you are scratching your head and saying “what is she on about now?!” ; or B) You are punching the air and going “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.  Sodding Candy Crush”.

That damned game on Facebook that sucks you in.  You think it is easy to clear the jelly, they make the first few levels easy.  They get you hooked.  And before you know it there are more layers of jelly.  Jelly in licorice cages.  Chocolate.   Holes you can’t get round.   Chocolate jazzies that fire off in all directions.   Sweets that fall next to each other and explode.   Stripy sweets that clear a row.   Clear jelly.  Solid jelly.   Jelly on top of jelly.

I am on a level now that has chocolate creeping up the screen.  UP.  How can I get to the sweets under the chocolate?

Pictures of unicorns and rainbows.   It’s like I am high on LSD.

Are you in the Chocolate Mountains or the Lemonade Lake.  Or even the Minty Meadow?

You stop talking to the friends on Facebook that don’t play.  They can’t send you a life.  They are worthless to you now.

Lives lost

Lives begged for.  Making a note of who you have asked for a life.  Who has sent you one.  Who you silently thank for resuscitating you to live another level.

Messages saying “sorry you did not clear all the jelly”

Pop ups telling you that there are no lives left and that you have to wait eighteen minutes for another one.


I can’t wait eighteen minutes.  I need to clear that level now.

Even though you are now in bed.  Wanting to go to sleep.  You keep refreshing.  In the hope somebody has sent you a life and you can have one more go before you turn the lights out.


Or you have been saving lives and before you know it it is 2am.

Before you know it you are hooked.   You wake up thinking “I will just have one go”.  Convinced you will clear that level on the next attempt.  You see the number of moves decreasing.   There are only three bits of jelly left, you have five moves left.   You sit and work out that if the greens go from there the reds will move across and BOOM they will drop.   But you didn’t see the oranges the other side that have blocked the path.

You suddenly have one move left and two bits of jelly.

In opposite corners on the bottom row.   It’s like a bum split in ten pin bowling.

You look at it for ten minutes, convinced there is a way

Then finally make your move.

“You did not clear all the jelly”


And now you are late for work / the dinner is burnt / the dog is whining / you missed your bus.

Candy Crush.   It’s the new middle England crack.

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  • My wife plays it. I have no games on any device as my attention span for them is zilch. I do get annoyed with the constant “help I’m stuck on this one” that’s constantly appearing on twitter from another game.

    Happy Easter to you though T. X

  • OMG that is me!! I don’t do games normally and I thought I would have a look as everyone was talking about it. I wish I hadn’t! I can’t stop playing and I’ve even paid ( yes paid) for those extra lives on occasion! If anyone is reading this and thinking about playing it. DON’T!

  • So far, I have managed to avoid Candy Crush, because I KNOW it will be a problem for me! I can’t get it on the KindleFire, which is probably a good thing. I have enough issues with Angry Birds! I do laugh at all the updates on FB and Twitter from so many friends about it, it clearly is the new crack! 🙂

  • I’m with Annie. Not even going there. And you – yes you! Sending requests – trying to tempt me. Peddle your crystal elsewhere!!!! 😉

  • Ha ha T, that is so funny and spot on. Currently pulling my carefully coiffed wig out on Level 98 at the mo. Bloody bombs. Never mind “you have not cleared the jelly”. This gives you a “you have failed to complete this level” message. I do not play Angry Birds or any other game funnily enough, but this one snuck up on me.

    *sheepishly stands up* “My name is Trace and I am a Candy Crush-a-holic”. Bah.

    Anyhoo, must dash off to do something really important. #BlatantLie 😀 xx


      I don’t know if I can even talk to you anymore Sian.

      I am only on 52.

  • Me too! It is the work of the devil. Hate the chocolate – it is as evil on Candy Crush as it is in real life…

  • Haha! I have avoided sharing my guilty secret on Facebook. I have however downloaded jewel mania so whenever I run out of lives I swap to the other game. And so on.
    And I’m only level 40. *hangs head in shame*

  • I am so sad that I don’t only play it on my iphone but on my iPad and then on my home computer ! As I run out of lives on one I fire up candy crush on another ! I think I need to go cold turkey!

  • Candy crush is what gets me through night feeds. I am a life hoarder so I can use them all then. I got well and truly sucked in!

  • Level. Bloody. 65. Days and days and days (weeks). It’s driving me insane.

    I’ve deleted the app from my phone and ended up re-installing it only to find it saves where you were. Why oh why can’t it delete it back to level 1 because then I’d not bother again.

    It’s become the Bain of my existence. Arghhhhhh!!

  • Wait till you meet the time bomb ones… I hate them. I hate the whole game. I can’t stop playing…. Someone send me a life?