I have been in a reflective mood recently. Thinking about things in the past. Distant and recent. Wondering if I could have done things differently. Or if other people could have done things differently. If I had my time again would I do the same again? Or would I make different decisions in those same situations. Pondering the what ifs. Pondering on whether I am having some kind of mid life crisis. Or full blown breakdown (I did a test recently that said if you answered yes to one of four questions then you were. I answered yes to all four).
I don’t have any answers really.
There aren’t really any questions.
Just lots of noise.
In my head.
That won’t shut up.
That needs processing somehow. Alongside working during the busiest time of year in the property industry. Whilst catching up with a huge backlog of blog posts and blog admin. Amongst the daily worries about money. The constant niggles of not being an attentive enough mother or wife. The complete incompetence in the kitchen. The emails that need answering. The photos that need editing. The endless list of DIY.
A life lived at 100 miles an hour.
Constantly. That as soon as I stop I fall asleep or lose the ability to even want to speak, but just wanting to stare into the middle distance.
A realisation that my body is telling me to stop, giving me physical symptoms because I ignore the emotional ones.
That I need to stop.
I need to stand on wet grass in bare feet. This is how I clear my head. This is how I ground myself. Literally. Standing on wet grass in bare feet is one of the most powerful exercises you can do if you need to just stop.
It connects you back to earth. It stops you flying. Feeling that everything is happening around you in a blur.
Finding a patch of sun if I can, taking off my shoes and just standing on grass and breathing in huge lungfuls of fresh air is my coping mechanism.
It’s what I need to do this afternoon. And in a weird way that the world sometimes gives you things you didn’t even know you need when you first see them I have just seen a blog about living life more slowly and taking a seven day email course on how to do just that. How to ditch the chaos. So have signed up.
It probably starts with making a cup of tea.
Anyone got any biscuits?
Photograph of being barefoot in grass courtesy of Shutterstock