Which is why I haven’t recently. I have had so many blog posts I have wanted to write, and some I have needed to write, but even those I have started have then been shelved. Either I can’t find the time to sit and write them or I haven’t known were to begin even when I have had the time. So I haven’t. Mostly because this week I have had one of those mini crisis of confidence wobbles. I have felt crap about all sorts of things. Mostly brought on by looking in the mirror if I am honest. I am my own worst enemy and the world’s best self saboteur. So I have been listening to the demons in my head and beating myself up about decisions I have made over the years, and questioning the decisions I chose not to take.
And on an average day my head is physically a mess (the headaches that started a year ago and presented as eight to ten headaches a day that last about ten minutes is now just a pretty much consistent dull ache) so for it to be an emotional mess as well is just, well, it’s a mess. Added to which I am exhausted. Not just tired but exhausted and tired of being exhausted. Of the relentless feeling of “that needs doing. I need to do that. I mustn’t forget to do that”. It never ends and then when I do sit down for an hour I get cross with myself because it means the stuff I wanted to get done I haven’t done.
To be honest I am not quite sure why I am telling you this. This post was supposed to be about my week and sharing some of the stationery related things I have been playing with after I did two, yes two talks, at the London Stationery show on Tuesday. I was dreading it. I don’t do public speaking but I was asked if I would do it and when I commit to something I do like to follow through. All too recently I have had to back out of things so this one felt like it was important to really make the effort to do. Despite the fact I had to get to grips with PowerPoint again and do a slide show, and write up notes, and find a USB stick (how can I have no USB sticks? Two friends I spent the day with have carrier bags full of the things) I still managed to do it. The morning session on how to make the most of social media, and the afternoon on how to successfully blog as a business. The morning session was more successful than the afternoon one if I am honest but the people that came along all seemed to get something from it and hopefully have some useful information to now use.
I took away far too many notebooks and maybe one too many pens but, oh, it could have been so much worse. I even found myself stalking brands that were there selling bags to see if I get my hands on one because I was verging on having too much to carry. If I had managed to get hold of a wheelie bag we would have far more pens and notebooks than we currently do. And sticky tape that is actually highlighter. I KNOW. Rather than highlighting text with a pen, you can use a piece of sticky tape. Nobody at home seemed nearly as excited about this as me.
It was also good to see the moment my friend Penny met her first disposable fountain pen. Did you know such a thing existed? I did. It is the only pen I now use and I thought that as a fellow lover of all things stationery Penny would have a stack of them. How wrong I was. Platignum is a brand that many will know from school fountain pens “back in the day” and whilst they went a bit quiet for awhile they are now part of the Snopake group of companies and their pens are superb. I was going to do a whole post about them for “Fountain Pen Friday” yesterday (yes that is an actual thing in National Stationery Week) but, well I refer you to my second and third sentences above.
Ditto a post for “Thankful Thursday”. I wanted to write that one. Really write it. I even got as far as starting that one and writing some paragraphs. But then life got in the way and the day came and went. Funnily enough it was a day that I was feeling particularly crappy and two friends spotted that I had eluded to this on social media. Both of them then sent me messages that showed me just how powerful social media can really be. How strength and support can come from people you haven’t even met in real life but who say “hey, I am worried about you” and do something in an effort to make you smile. The other friend said “I am going to phone you tonight and we will talk, old school style”.
And we did. For nearly an hour and a half. About all sorts of things. And it made me realise that I miss that kind of conversation. Just chatting with a friend and being able to share what has been going on, offering advice, accepting it back. Whilst I think social media is a truly wonderful thing it has taken away the joy of conversation I think. The sitting down with no time constraints, no agenda, just chatting. People just don’t really talk to friends as much. Maybe they do. Maybe it is just me.
That same friend then sent me flowers to cheer me up and it made me very thankful for friendships and that without social media that wouldn’t have happened.
So normal service will be resumed shortly folks, just needed to get this out of my head first.