This is a final goodbye to a friend. Well it might not be a goodbye forever but for now it is. I have to get this friend out of my life. Because. Well because they aren’t really my friend. I thought they were.
You see they were always there for me. Already I see I am referring to them in the past tense. I have been gradually shoving this friend out of my life and today I have decided to make it the final push.
Always there. When I needed them because I was down and needed a hug. When I was bouncy and had something that needed rewarding or congratulating. They were there for me. Sometimes I had to seek them out and sometimes they were just there. Almost without me thinking about it. Almost subconsciously.
For as long as I can remember, they have been there. I grew up with them. I can remember them being around when I was little, so now at the age of 45 to be having to say goodbye to them hurts.
There are times when the friendship controlled me. Made me feel I had no control on what I wanted to do, because if they wanted to be a part of my day, then I couldn’t say no to them. I didn’t really mind because they were such a good friend to me, I would have done pretty much anything for them. They nagged me, badgered me, made me take notice of them.
Twice, three times, sometimes four times a day. Looking back now its all a bit stalkerish.
But do you know what, they weren’t really my friend. It was a one way thing, this “friendship”. Not only were they not my friend they actually weren’t any good for me. Okay they might have been the reason why I wrote several of my most popular blog posts, but for me as a human being, well they just weren’t great.
So this is my goodbye. My so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen. That’s it. Gone. I am moving on from them and finding different friends now.
Don’t for one minute think shutting them out of my life has been easy. Really it isn’t. It’s been one of the hardest things I have done. And will continue to be. They seem to constantly appear wherever I am and I have to keep walking past and ignoring them. That really isn’t like me, normally I smile when I see them and give them a hug. I can’t do that anymore and it is really really hard. Really hard. 40 odd years of just welcoming them without question and now I have to ignore and not care, it’s tough.
They have been replaced by these new friends but I am not really ready to talk about them just yet, even though I have been seeing them for a month or so. A month they have been in my life and already they make me feel better about myself than they did. Even though at the time I thought those old friends were making me feel great, really they weren’t. These new friends do, not only can I feel it but I can see it. They make me feel really great. Though I am not ready to say any more about them yet.
So that’s it. These so called friends of biscuits, cakes, junk, carb loaded snacks and crisps are all now in the bin. They are no longer my friends.
I don’t need them in my life any more. And they clearly don’t need me.
And with the end of that friendship there has also been the loss of weight in just two weeks.
Proof if proof were needed that the old friendship was toxic, and the new one is better for me.