Just when you think things can’t get any worse
America elects that buffoon to be its President. A man who has previously stood for the other side. Who believes in whatever he thinks will get people talking about him. Who stands for everything every civilised person in the world disagrees with. A man who is nothing short of a bully. A man supported by the Klu Klux Klan. And now he has the nuclear codes. And a mandate to further marginalize every minority in the US.
I thought things were bad when it looked like Marmite was going to be in short supply, even though I don’t like the stuff. The idea that we couldn’t get it made me instantly put aside my 47 year hatred of the stuff and really want it.
Then yesterday news broke of two other earth shattering events. That John Lewis is to close its haberdashery departments and that M&S is going to close a whole load of high street stores. I have the Marmite principle with habadashery, I have never bought anything in there but I do love knowing it is there. That should I suddenly need a zip, a button, a skein of yellow embroidery silk, a “make your own panda” kit, it will be there. Snuggled on the fourth floor next to the loos and the cafe. Presumably as they think their target audience are older ladies who can’t do any shopping without a cup of tea and a wee.
To be fair that is mostly true.
Next we heard about Marks and Spencer closing stores due to poor sales. And do you know why? Because they have forgotten what it is they are really good at: pants and prawn sandwiches. We don’t go to the high street M&S for a £500 sheepskin and suede coat. We go for pants and socks and a sandwich. And we might treat ourselves to something we see as we walk past it on the rails, but surely not the high ticket items.
Tie ins with models like Alexa Chung are all well and good but girls that look up to Alexa Chung aren’t really buying their clothes in M&S. They are in H&M or TK Maxx with all the cool kids. You M&S are the store we can rely on to get it right when we need you to. I think you should stop trying to sell bronze shiny party outfits and expensive coats and concentrate on going back to what you do best.
And if that wasn’t bad enough yesterday the bombshell that was new Toblerone shapes broke. Blaming Brexit the bars have been changed so they now look more like a bike rack than the Alps. What is the point of at Toblerone if it is not to bite a piece off and get the rest of the bar stuck up your nose? Exactly, there is no point.
All of those things made me want to write a blog post about them but I didn’t have the time. All those things, pants, zips, marmite, chocolate, all things that I suddenly felt really passionate about despite having not spent money on any of them in the past twelve months.
But suddenly they are no longer important and I do have time to write a blog post. I have been awake since 3am watching the news come in of the Presidential Election results.
As the sun was coming up here it was also going down on an era of progress in the US. An era that saw their first black American president come to power and run the White House impeccably. With no scandal during the entire 8 years he was in office.
Sure Hillary had her faults, hundreds of thousands of them on an email server they shouldn’t be on, but she was surely the better choice than Trump?
A man who has been so unsuccessful in business that if he had never touched the trust fund his dad gave him, but just spent it, it would be worth more today than it is now. A man who is homophobic, racist, divisive and sexist. Who is facing allegations of child rape in court next month.
People on twitter are asking what we tell our kids and thankfully I don’t have to worry about that because mine are old enough to have been following the news for themselves. But for those young kids, particularly girls who we have said anything is possible, what do we tell them today?
What do we say about no good ever coming to bullies? To people that do harm to others. What do we tell the next generation? That it is still okay for that vile bully to become President?
I now long for the day when pants, chocolate and Marmite where our only worries
For the next four years at least those will be the least of our worries.