I did this a few years ago when I wrote the 16 year old me, and since I just turned 45 I thought it might be interesting to think about where my life was half way between then and now and write a letter to the 30 year old me. It seems so long ago but was sort of the beginning of the end of one part of my life.
Hello. This is me in 2014 talking to you in 1999. Very different from when the 16 year old you I spoke to you in 2012. How is it being 30? I know you weren’t looking forward it. It feels kind of old, doesnt it? Well let me tell you that being 40 is pretty dull and as I am currently 45 and staring 50 full in the face I say “suck it up kiddo and get on with it”.
But you are good at doing that, right? 18 months you have been back from your six year jaunt to Saudi Arabia and being back in the UK isn’t really a barrel of laughs, is it? I know you have three children and E is only just a year old, but do you know what? Don’t cling on to that marriage in the vain hope it will get better and life will get easier. Life will get easier, but sadly the marriage will go. I shouldn’t tell you that really or you might do your best to keep fighting and making it work. Don’t waste your energy.
That’s no disrespect to your then, now ex, husband. He is a lovely guy, a good dad, and you had fun. But, well, it seem it wasn’t meant to be longterm. You have three amazing children and let me tell you, they are are even more amazing now.
You weren’t a single parent for long. Well you were but you weren’t on your own for long. Only six months in fact. A whirlwind six months where you moved house, your ex moved to London, you started a new life in a house you named “Phoenix Lodge”. Well it seemed quite apt. Rising from the ashes and all that. You wanted to call it Phoenix Cottage but it was sprawling bungalow and there wasn’t cottage like about it. Phoenix House made it sound like a care facility and so you plumped for Phoenix Lodge.
Mr B comes into your life six months after that, and just a few months after you get a job. A full time job that pays great money and gives you some independence. That allows you to be you for a bit. Mr B is a good guy and looks after you, and the children. And his family welcome you in and make you feel part of them, something you realise your ex inlaws never really have.
I am not going to say too much more as I want you to make the same decisions and not try to change the course of your own future. Enjoy being 30, T. These next few years are a real adventure. In a few months when the new Millennium arrives don’t worry that you are at home having a bit of a shitty time. You might want to tell the world to calm down about the so called Millennium Bug though. Nothing ever comes of it and it is all a bit of a non-starter.
Just get through the next five years and believe me, by the time you are 35 you won’t recognise the 30 year old you. And as for the next 15 years, well fasten your seat belt, Chuck it’s quite a ride!