I signed for a package recently. Nothing unusual in that. Except it was something Mr B had bought from the US because he thought it was funny. Something called an “annoyatron”.
Trouble is for me, it wasn’t annoying. It was just a beep that went off at random intervals.
For me, the most annoying sound in the world is rustling. So annoying, in fact, that I can get quite murderous. I actually cannot stand it. It goes beyond annoying and I am being serious when I say it makes me feel physically sick.
The sound of a crisp packet as a hand goes in and out of it.
Taking a dishwasher tablet out of it’s shrink wrap.
Getting a tissue out of a small packet.
Somebody opening a chocolate bar wrapper.
Squeezing the bag of salad to see how fresh it is.
Smoothing out the Quality Street wrapper
All of those things can make me heave. I was on a train once and the person sitting across the carriage from me starting eating a bag of kettle crisps. I wanted to shove her off at the next stop. When she then opened a bag of M&Ms I didnt even want to wait until the next stop.
When my granny gave J a tissue recently because he was sniffing in the car it took her a while to get the tissue out of the wrapper (as you would expect, she is in her eighties). I got the point where I was either going to rip the whole pack out of her hand and throw it at J or scream “just use your bloody sleeve”. It was only because I was driving and forced myself to concentrate, and turn the stereo up, that I resisted either urge.
If I pick E up from school and she has had a match I will arrive with a quick sugar fix for her. If we are taking a friend home too E will open hers and as she does so, automatically say “sorry mum”. And as she hands the treat to a friend, say “you better be quick”. To which her friends always look a bit bewildered. Even saying “my mum hates the noise” still leaves them looking puzzled.
I had to go to a different aisle in the supermarket recently because a fellow shopper was squeezing a bag of cashew nuts. Quite why I don’t know. But she was and the resulting sound made me want to punch her. And I am not normally a violent person. So I left me trolley, pretended to be looking for something else and when she had moved on, I went back.
My kids all know how “on edge” these sounds make me. I tried sitting on my hands the other night as Mr B tried to enjoy a bag of crisps. Even that didn’t stop me instantly wanting to scream “put them in a sodding bowl” so I left the room. I walked out, simply because my husband was enjoying a small bag of crisps.
How annoying is that?
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