I was thrilled to finally get a bike last weekend.
I thought a bike was a bike, right?
First of all they are either road / off road or hybrids apparently. Mine being a hybrid which I am told is a good thing. Because it gives me flexibility. Flexibility? Did you see me trying to walk after I did a mile on it on Sunday?
With 21 gears. 21?! That is more than all the cars I have ever owned have had put together. Why do I need 21 gears? With two different levers on the same handlebar as the brake lever. I only need 5 gears in my 4 x 4 and I can go off road in that AND do 110 miles an hour. Why do I need 21 gears to do 20 miles an hour?
One of the last times I rode a bike I went over the handlebars and broke my jaw so I don’t have a very good track record with bikes. (track record, geddit? Did you geddit?)
Something I would like to now rectify.
But since then it has been a steep learning curve on all the things I need to know about riding a bike in 2012 and beyond. And the stuff I need to get.
Padded saddle for instance. Everybody has told me I should get one of these. For obvious reasons. And there was me thinking the padding on my arse would be sufficient.
Padded shorts. Ditto
So I started looking on websites for kit and got bombarded with gilets / gloves / socks / tights / shoes. It was a minefield.
As were bits for my bike. Mudguards / spokey dokeys / lights / computers / different pedals. Where do I start?
And then I was told about something that was a must have. At £17 a cream that no girl with a bike should be without apparently. So I went on line and bought some. Immediately. As instructed.
And now it has arrived I have realised that I know nothing about riding a bike and have more to learn than I could have ever imagined.
Ladies and gentleman I give you:
Hoo ha cream:
“Don’t settle for nuts cream. Don’t ignore the needs of your Hoo Ha. Don’t ride without it”
Words fail me.