So you have joined Twitter. Finally. Excellent. Welcome to the best bar in town. Not that it is my bar or that I am in any position to welcome you but I do feel I need to have a word. Initially on Friday night when I heard you had joined Twitter was a bit “yeah, whatever”. Not because I am not a fan, but because I knew what would happen once you had joined.
Now I hate to be all “I told you so” but well, I did. You joined. Presumably with no particular fanfare initially. You sent a tweet featuring the above photograph to prove it really was you. I do hope you had email notifications turned off or your inbox would have been increasing by 20,000 emails a minute. We sat in stunned silence as we saw how quickly your followers increased. To such an extent that by Saturday night you were just shy of a million.
But this is where we have a problem, Robert. If I may call you Robert.
Actually we have two problems now. The first is that you are only following 38 people. This is a serious imbalance. You need to follow more people. Immediately. Your timeline is going to very dull if you only follow that number of people. Believe me.
Secondly, you have only sent 5 tweets. Five. Now come on Robert that just isn’t good enough. You can’t just join Twitter and then not actually Tweet.
Us mortals need to get a snapshot of your life in 140 characters. And preferably with photos attached. We would like to see what you are having for breakfast. What colour socks you are wearing. The script you are working on. The view from your bedroom. You know, stuff.
To us tweeters that is all crucially important. We need it. It is not enough to just join Twitter and then not be an active member of this community.
I am of course more than happy to pop over and give you some lessons if you would like. I feel there is a lot you still need to learn. Do give me a shout. Or you know, tweet me?
I bid you good day