“That’s so gay”….


…. is an expression that makes me want to weep at worst, at best makes me cross.

It is said in jest quite a lot, and with no real malice attached to it most of the time.   It’s a throwaway line.   But what if you don’t hear it that way?  What if you hear it in such a way that makes you feel inferior for just being you?

I had this Twitter conversation yesterday with a Twitter friend:

Both Joe and I were incredulous that adults were having this conversation in 2012:

Imagine a gay man abseiling.  It’s not possible, is it?  He is therefore straight

That might sound like a throwaway line, a bit of a laugh but imagine it was you.  Or somebody you loved.  Or as Joe said,

Imagine a 16 year old lad who’s just come out watching that and thinking “I’m gay and therefore I mustn’t be able to do “manly” things”

I have many friends who are gay and know of the struggles that some go through even now to come out and admit their sexuality.   We like to think we are more accepting now (lest we forget that in the year I was born homosexuality was still illegal) but deep down as a society we aren’t really.

“That is just so gay” is a phrase that we hear all too often.   “Don’t be such a poof” is another one.    Why?  Why say something like that?

Imagine my horror as I read this story this morning:  I am so so sorry for what I am about to do

The story of Dominic Crouch, a 15 year old who had been seemingly teased about being gay as he had kissed another boy during an innocent game.    Dominic, a dyslexic, who couldn’t react with a witty retort as quickly as he would have liked, played Spin the Bottle on a school trip, photos were taken and then it appears he was teased about it.  Then the photos were circulated amongst other pupils at the school.

It was too much for Dominic and he took his own life just months later.

The school maintains that there was “no evidence of homophobic bullying” at the school.  Yeah, of course they would say that. How can they categorically state that?    Smacks to me of a very defensive stance.

We, and when I say we, I mean every parent, and every teacher, need to stop this now.   We need to stop our children using “gay” in kind of derogatory or demeaning manner.

Something cannot be gay.

Somebody can.

Somebody is.

Somebody with feelings who has to fight this prejudicial crap in 2012.

Please help to stop it.




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  • I absolutely, totally and completely agree. Its a throw away remark currently being used in my son’s class – they are 7. Not all of them know what it means and I have complained several times about it … then again, there are several things I have had to complain about recently, and bullying is one of them. I’ve heard it used and I really don’t like it either. Well said and lets hope more of us Mummies can try and stamp it outx