The A to Z of Coronavirus

A handy A to Z of Coronavirus.  You know, should you ever feel you need one.

Antibac.   You can’t get anti-bacterial hand wash for love nor money.  Actually that isn’t true.  You can get it for money: £25 for 50ml on eBay from unscrupulous sellers who want to capitalise on our need for it.  I have not held back on reporting every ad I see for it on Facebook either.

Banana bread.  Have you even been through the lockdown if you haven’t baked a loaf of banana bread?  Social media would suggest you haven’t.

Cancellations.  Everything is cancelled.   From the Edinburgh festival to Wimbledon, from barbecues to zoo trips.  They have all been deleted from our diaries for the foreseeable future.

Distancing.  We are all being asked to keep at least 2m between us and anybody who doesnt live in our households.  We are breathing in to walk passed people in supermarket aisles and wandering out into the road when we on pavements.   Parcels are left on steps and we no longer need to sign for deliveries because we all need to keep our distance

Educating at home.  With the closure of schools, colleges and universities came the realisation that parents and care givers would need educate their children at home, whilst trying to make a meal missing all the essential ingredients, locate loo roll within a 15 mile radius, and try to work from home too.   An impossible mix.

Furlough.  A period of time that up until now only people who had watched Madam Secretary were aware of.  Now we all talking about the government paying 80% of wages and it is debates are raging about whether premier footballers should be furloughed.  Why they are singled out nobody really seems to know.

Gin.  Or more importantly the distilleries used to make gin who are turning their hands to now making hand sanitiser that is 70% proof.   It’s a good job I can’t see my friends at the moment or they would be wondering why I smell like Silent Pool.

Hair.  We can’t get a hair cut and so those of us with fringes are now resembling Afghan hounds and those who regularly dye their hair are beginning to show their true colours.  People are asking what the first thing will be that people do when the lockdown is lifted.  I am not joking when I say “beg my hairdresser for an appointment”.

ICU.  Where so many people admitted to hospital are finding themselves.  There are not enough beds so every available part of hospitals are being modified to add additional beds, from operating theatres to recovery rooms are all now being used as ICUs or High Dependency Units

Just Stay the F*** At Home.   Listen to Samuel L Jackson.  Stay home.  Save the NHS.  Save Lives.

Key workers.  We quickly came to realise that key workers were the hard working NHS staff, teachers, fire fighters, police and prison officers, lorry drivers, posties and supermarket workers.   They are the ones that are keeping us all stocked up

Loo roll.   The first sign that there was something wrong was when people started to stockpile loo roll, causing a national shortage of the stuff.

Masks.  Should we wear one when out shopping? People are sharing online how to make our own and schools and garages are donated any stocks they have to their local hospitals.

Nightingale Hospital.  This didnt exist a month ago but was officially opened this week at the Excel centre in London.  There are 4000 beds inside this now fully operational NHS hospital, its actually a terrifying thought when you realise this is needed.

Online shopping has exploded.  For everything except supermarkets.  If you aren’t a regular customer forget trying to sign up for delivery slots now because if you are not on the Government’s vulnerable person list you won’t get a click and collect or delivery slot any time soon.  Some enterprising souls have modified their businesses to sell online where they hadn’t before and it is bringing much needed revenue to them, and products to use that we may not have tried before.  From garden centres to nurseries to your local pizza place it is now possible to shop for everything without leaving the sofa.

PPE.  Nobody really knew much about Personal Protective Equipment and now its everywhere.  Except it isn’t.  Everyone is talking about it but not everyone who should have it, has it.   Which to my mind is criminal.

Queues.   We now have to queue to get into supermarkets and we even have to queue to get on some websites.  It should also be for The Queen who addressed us mid lockdown and made a few of us weep because it felt our granny’s giving us a pep talk.

Running.  Seems everyone has turned to running because it is a permitted excuse to leave the house.  I suspect Couch25K has never had so many downloads.

Selfcare.   This has changed massively for many people.   Where it might have been an occasional treat such as a massage or a facial maybe now it is being able to pee in peace or drink a cup of tea before it goes cold.   Self care has always been in important and to my mind, more so than ever, we aren’t designed to be self isolated from our loved ones and so we need to find ways to look after ourselves.

Television.  Television has changed massively over the past few weeks, as many programmes get cancelled (mostly those relating to sport) we are seeing re-runs of old shows and changes to those that are still on.  Last week Have I Got News For You featured the panel all dialling in from home to take part.  If I am honest I am not sure it really worked but you’ve got to admire production companies finding ways to keep us entertained.

Uniform.  Our working from home uniform has changed, and I am convinced that everybody on conference calls is wearing pyjamas on their bottom halves under the desk. School uniform is very much a dim and distant memory.

Virtual.  Everything is virtual now.  From virtual tours of houses for sale as the housing industry grinds to a halt to virtual pub quizzes with 120,000 other people joining in with us.

Wifi.  We have never been more grateful for it.  The idea of doing this with no wifi is a contemplation too far.

Xylophone.  If you can get one on Amazon now might be the time to learn how to play one.  Or to crochet.   The latter might be more acceptable to your housemates for sure.

YouTube.  People who had never really used YouTube before other than to find out how to change a washer on a tap or to watch a music video of their favourite 80s band are now tuning in to to do PE with Joe Wicks on a daily basis or to live stream the latest offering from the Met Opera or Shakespeare’s Globe in London

Zoom   We are all joining Zoom and using it not just for work but for parties and catch ups.  Friday night is now Zoom night for us and