The most brutally honest blog post I will ever write

<sharp intake of breath>

I made the decision last week to finally do something about my weight.   If you are reading this and have never met me you might not know that I have an issue with it.   In fact, if you know me you might not know I have an issue.  I am the first to poke fun at myself.

I have long joked that I am a size zero but that there is a 2 in front of it.

That I am anorexic because I look in the mirror and think I am fat.

That I am an amnesiac bulimic, I gorge but forget to be sick.

But actually deep down, deep deep down, so deep it is buried, I am sick of it.

I am not curvy, cuddly, tubby or plump.  I am fat.  There, I have said it.   You don’t have to be nice to me about it.  It’s the truth.

I am on the obese end of the height/weight chart and actually whilst we are being brutally honest I am probably on the morbidly obese end of it.

Clothes shopping for me is not something I enjoy or actually set out to do.   I can’t wander into a shop and impulse buy a new top in the sale or decide at 3pm that I am going out to buy something for Saturday night.  Unless I go into Evans.   And quite frankly a tent in Milletts is more fashionable half the time.    I shop on line from one place that sells itself on being “sizes 14 to 32”.

It is why I have a handbag fetish.   They don’t look tight on my hips or boobs.    I can spend money on those and not get them home and realise I got the size wrong.  I don’t have to suffer the indignity of a communal changing room to try one on.

Well sod that from now on.   Sorry Simply Be, I do adore you and will still use you, but for the lower end of your range, not the middle.

No more.   This is it.

I have set myself a goal.   A goal that I think I can achieve.

We have 24 weeks until our holiday.    So between now and then I am going to lose 48lbs.   That is 3.5 stone in old money.

How am I going to do this?  Well.  I have enlisted the help of Thinking Slimmer because for me weightloss has to be a mental thing.

I know about cutting calories and that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that you shouldn’t eat between meals.  I know that cutting out whole food groups like carbs is good short term but long term is not sustainable.   I know all about Lighter Life / Pro Points / red and green days / milkshakes.

I know all that.   I also know that I am an emotional eater.

I eat because I am bored / busy / hot / cold / happy / sad / clearing a plate rather than throwing it away / suffering from PMT / not suffering from PMT / when lonely / when in a crowd.

What I don’t know is “why”.

And because I am an emotional eater I can’t “just go on a diet”.   I can’t just stop.   I can’t just change the way I eat without that emotional support

I need to reprogramme how my brain thinks about food.   And with Thinking Slimmer’s Chocoholic Slimpod I am going to do just that.

So here goes.    Day one tomorrow.

I will blog every Monday on how I am getting on.

It’s going to be tough but this is one personal goal I am determined to achieve this year.

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  • It’s hard when you are an emotional eater, I know I am one too, and I’m a size zero as well, with a 2 in front.

    I know what you mean exactly and I hope this time you can tackle it for good.

    I’m considering trying the chocaholic slimapod too. I too seek solace in chocolate.

  • Well done on talking honestly about yourself in this way, it is a tough thing to do and seems like an important first step. I have realised recently I am also an emotional eater and don’t know why. I have worked at keeping my weight down but know I easily could have gone the other way and at times just want to say “sod it” and just eat what I want, when I want. I slip up from time to time but don’t let it stop me completely any more (as I once did). I’m looking forward to sharing your journey with this and wish you lots of luck, it sounds you have a good goal to keep you going. xx

  • Tanya I wish you all the luck in the world, I only wish I only had 3.5stone to lose so believe me when I say you can do it, I know you can do it, you know you can do it too. I am exactly the same as you mentally, I just lost 3 stone at the end of last year but after a break I’m really struggling to get back to it so I will be following your journey and I hope you inspire me to kickstart too, I need something to kick me up the bum. I never heard of what you’re doing so I’m away now to read all about it. Thanks for your honesty with your post, you got balls girlfriend and I don’t care if they’re chubby ones or skinny ones you’ll still be awesome at the end of it xx

  • Today is my first day. I mean I listened to the Slimpod last night 😉 I’m using Drop two Jeans sizes. I too shop at simply be because I hate going shopping for clothes! It will be interesting to see how we both go on 😉 x

  • Good Luck, I feel that food addiction is a lot like drug or booze, you need to admit you have a problem before you can successfully do something about it. I have no knowledge about Thinking Slimmer but I love the idea of a success log. The only thing I would say is that you break your weight loss down into more manageable chunks rather than a 3.5 stone immediate goal.
    What are you going to do for exercise?

    You can do it. (maybe the Mulberry can be the end stage reward!)

  • Good luck 🙂 I can’t diet for toffee (mmmmm toffee) but need to shed a little too. Completely agree with the emotional aspect of eating. Can’t wait to read about how you get on!

  • Being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes was my spur. I have cut out a lot of carbs, nothing with flour in it due to a wheat sensitivity, and where I can no carbs after 5 pm. It’s working, but slowly, I’ve lost 22lbs since the start of July.
    I agree with you about being in the right frame of mind to set out on the weight loss path.

    Good luck with your journey and I will be looking forward to Mondays to read of your progress.

  • I relate to everything you have said. I love the honesty in this post.

    Good luck! X

  • Good luck with this – I’ve made the same decision, in fact, I could have written this blog post, same size, same emotional relationship with food. I just need to get my head into the right place. Sounds like you got there before me, and I’m proud of you for doing it. Looking forward to seeing how you get on, you lovely lady. xx

  • Karma again…..because guess what I am starting tomorrow with *exactly* the same goal??!

    Yep…it’s our parallel live thing again…I could have written the reasons above for me as well…

    Let’s DO it

  • As a fellow ‘sufferer’ the first and biggest step is admitting you need to do something. I have lost 3.5 atone so far with another 2st to go but I will do it and so will you. It is a rollercoaster and emotions are a large part to play but every step taken to lose weight is a step in the right direction x

  • Good Luck to you, I need someone to help me lose that much weight as well, if you have seen pics of me then you’ll know what I mean. If you want support and someone to talk to/shout at anything else, let me know.

    I am also an emotional eater, but I also graze in the evenings. From height/weight I know I’m morbidly obese.

    I’ll help you if you’ll help me.

  • I’m in the same position as Maureen above – I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in the summer and it is quite amazing how the fear of what might happen to you in the long run means that “comfort eating” is no longer a comfort. I’m not skinny yet, not by a long way, but I’ve gone from being a size 8 with a 2 in front to being a size 0 with a 2 in front and my blood sugar is under control.
    I wish you well on your journey. Tackling it now means you are much less likely to find yourself having to face up to it the way Maureen and I have done.
    Plus you have an added incentive – I’ll be looking out for you around Fleet to make sure there are no cakes in front of you in Starbucks or Percy Pigs in your basket at M&S. You wouldn’t want to make Aunty Jane cross would you?

  • Great blog and good luck 🙂

    You will do it. I managed to lose 19lb in 12 weeks with WeightWatchers a couple of years ago, never thought I could do it but I did. Starting to creep back on but your blog has made me think I should kick my arse into gear to get it back off again!

    Hope it goes well, will look forward to the updates. xx

  • sending you much admiration, moral support and in awe of you writing such an honest post. Look forward to reading your updates x

  • Good luck and let us know how you get on. Emotional or not, always remember the 3 EVIL S:
    Stodge, Sugar and Salt. Someone told me about the S thing one and it stuck, so when “comfort” eating just avoid the Ss. Good luck x

  • I admire your courage and honesty, I too am an emotional eater. When I am stressed, bored or depressed I have to eat and will keep going to the fridge/cupboard every 15minutes or so whether hungry or not. I have managed to lose weight on slimming world but as soon as I hit a bad patch I put it all back on. I will be following your progress with interest.
    Best wishes

  • Good luck with the dieting hun and don’t be too hard on yourself lots of people overeat for heaps of reasons, your making a HUGE step in the direction just acknowledging that! 🙂 x

  • Wow, that wasn’t a brutally honest post it was a beautifully honest post…

    I will look forward to being alongside you every step of the way and you have to PROMISE me that you will take only one day at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed, you’ve got loads of us supporting you. And you might even inspire me to shift some bulk…

    Best of luck and lots of low-fat hugs
    Em xxxxxxxxxx

  • What a brave, honest post. Good luck with your goal to lose weight in time for your holiday. I’ve not heard of Thinking Slimmer, but it certainly is an interesting idea. I hope it works for you, but try not to put yourself under too much pressure to reach your target too quickly because that can sometimes be counter-productive. Best of luck x

  • Oooh, good luck, well…good willpower! Sounds like you’ve overcome one of the biggest hurdles by being so decisive. Sx

  • So much of what you said had me nodding and nearly weeping. I’m pretty much in the same boat save that I still can’t quite bring myself to use the F word or the O word. Slightly pathetic but it’s true. I go through phases of trying to do something about it. Then something happens and I get upset and am scurrying to the biscuit tin or the wine rack. Or both. Then I beat myself up about it and then the next day we’ll go through the same cycle again.

    I have worked out that until I’m happier at work I’m not sure I can lose weight. But I hope that you will inspire me because it’s a battle I need to take on too.

    I wish you the very best luck, will power and happiness.


  • Hi Everybody

    What can I say? You are all amazing. Thank you so much for all taking the time to leave a comment.

    You have NO idea how much everyone of them means to me.

    Lots of love


  • I’m with you from across the pond. Get a buddy (but it looks like you have many, including me). The thing you have to get through your head is that you will have to change how you eat FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE and you will have to exercise FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Not to say you will never take a day off from the gym or never have a piece of cake again, you will continue to live a life. Don’t get discouraged…you are on a journey with no definite end. Once I got that thought through my thick skull (and it was 20 years of Weight Watchers before I did) it got easier. Also love who you are now, who you will be, and who you become along the way….
    I’m just a click away if you need me…. 🙂

  • Lots of luck this week, great post and looking forward to hearing your progress Really interested to see how the Slimpod works out for you, it sounds intriguing!

  • I think the best thing about this post is finding out that I am not alone in feeling this way.

    I made the decision to go back to Slimming World last Christmas and joined the first week in January 2011. We had to write ourselves a Christmas card which our consultant gave us at our Christmas party in December. I had written that I would like to loose 3 stone and be back wearing my black boots which I had not been able to do up past the ankle since becoming pregnant in 2005.

    I lost that 3 stone and another 1 on top and am wearing my black boots almost every day 🙂 This year I want to loose another 2 stone and also get fit with it. Today I started my fitness regime by doing a Davina workout at home and I survived 🙂

    Good luck and thanks for being so honest

    H xxx