<sharp intake of breath>
I made the decision last week to finally do something about my weight. If you are reading this and have never met me you might not know that I have an issue with it. In fact, if you know me you might not know I have an issue. I am the first to poke fun at myself.
I have long joked that I am a size zero but that there is a 2 in front of it.
That I am anorexic because I look in the mirror and think I am fat.
That I am an amnesiac bulimic, I gorge but forget to be sick.
But actually deep down, deep deep down, so deep it is buried, I am sick of it.
I am not curvy, cuddly, tubby or plump. I am fat. There, I have said it. You don’t have to be nice to me about it. It’s the truth.
I am on the obese end of the height/weight chart and actually whilst we are being brutally honest I am probably on the morbidly obese end of it.
Clothes shopping for me is not something I enjoy or actually set out to do. I can’t wander into a shop and impulse buy a new top in the sale or decide at 3pm that I am going out to buy something for Saturday night. Unless I go into Evans. And quite frankly a tent in Milletts is more fashionable half the time. I shop on line from one place that sells itself on being “sizes 14 to 32”.
It is why I have a handbag fetish. They don’t look tight on my hips or boobs. I can spend money on those and not get them home and realise I got the size wrong. I don’t have to suffer the indignity of a communal changing room to try one on.
Well sod that from now on. Sorry Simply Be, I do adore you and will still use you, but for the lower end of your range, not the middle.
No more. This is it.
I have set myself a goal. A goal that I think I can achieve.
We have 24 weeks until our holiday. So between now and then I am going to lose 48lbs. That is 3.5 stone in old money.
How am I going to do this? Well. I have enlisted the help of Thinking Slimmer because for me weightloss has to be a mental thing.
I know about cutting calories and that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that you shouldn’t eat between meals. I know that cutting out whole food groups like carbs is good short term but long term is not sustainable. I know all about Lighter Life / Pro Points / red and green days / milkshakes.
I know all that. I also know that I am an emotional eater.
I eat because I am bored / busy / hot / cold / happy / sad / clearing a plate rather than throwing it away / suffering from PMT / not suffering from PMT / when lonely / when in a crowd.
What I don’t know is “why”.
And because I am an emotional eater I can’t “just go on a diet”. I can’t just stop. I can’t just change the way I eat without that emotional support
I need to reprogramme how my brain thinks about food. And with Thinking Slimmer’s Chocoholic Slimpod I am going to do just that.
So here goes. Day one tomorrow.
I will blog every Monday on how I am getting on.
It’s going to be tough but this is one personal goal I am determined to achieve this year.