This week’s rant inspiration came to me on Sunday night when we went to the cinema to see Skyfall (which is brilliant, by the way). It’s about cinemas and more specifically other cinema goers.
Firstly, when you get in the cinema. SIT DOWN and STAY SITTING. Don’t get up and start fidgeting around within ten minutes of sitting down. Don’t then go and get another drink, food, or for a wee. Get to your seat, sit down. Sit still. And be prompt. You know what time the film starts. There is no excuse to arrive fifteen minutes after the start and clamber over people mumbling “sorry, sorry” whilst juggling food and drink.
Food and drink
You are watching a film for between two and three hours, do you really need a bucket of pop corn or a whole bag of M&Ms? Seriously? Would you be eating that if you were watching Bond at home on a Sunday afternoon? When did you last make popcorn at home?
If you do insist on eating in the cinema do it quietly.
But do not ever ever ever sit near me with a) crisps in a bag, or b) sweets with a wrapper. I will confiscate them and give you a mummy stare that will turn you to stone.
Ditto if you sit there slurping the last of your drink. Repeatedly
Don’t even think about eating a hot dog or a burger near me, please. They stink. You are in a cinema. Not a restaurant. Plan your viewing better and eat before or after, not during. Ever.
Don’t. Shut up. You have just paid £9 to watch a film. Watch it. We don’t want to hear loud whispers of “oh this bit is so good” etc. That is showing off and goes beyond annoying.
There was somebody coughing in the cinema on Sunday night and I swear I wanted to go and punch him. If you are coughing you are spreading germs. Please don’t. We don’t want your germs. You are ill. Go home.
Do not keep kicking my seat. Do not slump in your seat and put your feet up the back of mine, pushing mine forward. I will turn around and stare at you until you move them.
If everybody abides by these rules then I might go to the cinema more often. The reason I don’t is because one or more of these things irritates me to the point that I can’t concentrate.
This week’s Friday Rant. Do link up if you have a similar post.