Samantha, Samantha, Samantha.
Nope, dear reader, not Cameron. Brick. Samantha is the new Caprice / Kate / Naomi / Elle.
You may not have heard of her. Let me enlighten you:
So beautiful the captain of an aircraft sent you a bottle of Champagne. Really?
I have done an awful lot of flying and I dont think in all the times I have flown I have ever even seen the Captain. You see, he is generally too busy sorting out the big silver shiny thing that will transport 400 people across oceans to be looking at “pretty girls”.
To be fair a steward did once give me an extra packet of nuts with my Vodka and orange.
Given a bunch of flowers by a man in Portobello Road? Do I dare ask if it was the end of the day and he just couldn’t be bothered to chuck them in the bin?
You are not alone in that, love.
“I’m not smug” you say. Hmmm not smug but see fit to tell your story to a national newspaper. The story of just how beautiful you are and what a burden this is.
May I ask which planet it is you are living on? It surely isn’t this one.
You are deluded. I am sorry Samantha to be the bearer of such bad news. But you are. You certainly havent been hit with the ugly stick, I grant you that. You are blonde and you are skinny. Yep. You are both those things. But so beautiful you feel it is blight on your life and you cannot wait to get older and grey? Please.
If you were to walk into Storm or Elite they would ask where to sign for the package they think you must be delivering. They wouldn’t run round screaming that they had found the new supermodel of the century.
There is one thing you can be grateful for, though.
You have given me the biggest laugh I have had in AGES.
For which I am most grateful. I might even buy you a bunch of flowers.
Here we go. Samantha has torn herself away from preening in front of the mirror to comment to the Evening Standard:
Ms Brick was unrepentant when contacted by the Standard saying the negative remarks “proved her point” that people dislike her because she is beautiful.
You really really, don’t get it do you? I don’t dislike you because you are beautiful. I dislike you because you are not. You are mildly attractive. You are not beautiful.
You are slowly proving that you are, in fact, Dagenham Mad. That is, four stops on from Barking.